I like to listen to/read at least one Brene Brown book a year to remind me that I'm human. And you're human. And we're all imperfectly perfect that way. The second reason that I am struggling here is that I haven't done anything with what I have learned. I have now read two books by Brown; she has pointed out some things I need to be doing for myself and I am resisting following her lead. I know that being more shame resilient and paying attention to the person I am will be difficult and I just don't want to face the difficulties. Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.”

I had more insights into myself while reading this book than I have had in a really long time. Shameful really. But I will own my weaknesses. You'll see. Because the nature of the book, this review turned out be more like a summary than a review, and it ended up being much longer than I expected. Thank you for reading! You may have noticed a theme in my last couple posts. I'm rundown, overwhelmed and I realize that, while my priorities are right in my head, they aren't in reality. So the book I'm reviewing today really came at a perfect time in my own personal crisis. In fact, as I was reading along yesterday (yes, I totally procrastinated reading it due to other books taking up my precious little reading time) I thought to myself, "This book could be companion material for President Uchtdorf's talk at conference!" (I'm making President Uchtdorf's talk my personal touchstone until I really get it, by the way.)(Because I really don't get it yet.) The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown -- Your Guide To A Wholehearted Life I'm a knowledge geek who definitely approaches everything head-first. This is often a very successful way to interact in the knowledge society, particularly those of academia and medicine, but lends itself to certain deficits that have become obvious as I work through some caregiver burnout and moral injury.Part 6 of 6: The Summer Sister Series on The Gifts of Imperfection This book was an invitation to join a wholehearted revolution. Through the research, Brown found ten common factors among the people who were living a “wholehearted” life (listed below). Each guidepost has a dig deep section. According to Brown, “dig-deep button is a secret level of pushing through when we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, and when there’s too much to do and too little time for self-care.” Brown found that the Wholehearted people dig deep differently – they get deliberate, inspired, and going. Brown does great job of explaining concepts, ideas, and research process, it all makes sense to me. What I really appreciate about the way she presents her work is it’s easy to grasp, understand, and applicable to real life. She’s also a great storyteller, combing research with her personal stories with honesty, candor, and warmth. She doesn’t just tell you what to do, but rather connect with you. I get that not everyone may like her approach, research, and work, but there’s so much to learn from her, and I find what she’s doing incredible important. And just bringing awareness and shining light on the difficult topics, we can start to have conversation, open up, and let go of some of the heavy burden of hiding ourselves. This book is a great start, and I hope she continues to do important researches and write books to help many people. I highly recommend this book. I believe there's something beneficial for everyone. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”

Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.I recommend this book to those who are looking for a way to embrace where they are; to readers of self-help books for I think this is one of the best and I would like to figure out how to recommend this to some people at work. I shall now summarize the book's precepts: Feel Good About Yourself. Be Compassionate and Grateful. Blah blah Laugh Dance Love blah blah.

I guess I shouldn't be mad at the author - perhaps "your guide to a wholehearted life" shouldn't be construed as actual, practical, research-grounded techniques to start breaking down the walls of perfectionism and defensiveness. Maybe it's a guidebook for those who are already living a wholehearted life, rather than a map to help the rest of us navigate our way there. Brené spends most of her time working in organizations around the world, helping develop braver leaders and more courageous cultures. And it dawned on me that maybe we all feel like this to an extent. And yet, I watch others and I am sure, absolutely sure, that they know something about living that I don't. And maybe they do...maybe they've figured out the secret that it's okay to be imperfect. But maybe they haven't. After years of studying, researching, and writing about vulnerability, shame, and fear, Brown noticed a pattern among the people who were living a “wholehearted” life through processing thousands of stories collected. After analyzing the data, realization that she wasn’t living a wholehearted life herself, Brown decided to do further research and create a guidebook to help people pursue the wholehearted life.Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Yesterday I started listening to "Rising Strong" by this same author. I had no idea she was the same author as this book, nor did I know that this book, and "Rising Strong", is part of a trilogy. I highly doubt that it matters.

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She also holds the position of visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. Sufficiency isn't two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn't a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough.”Seriously, I sat there staring at that paragraph for a full ten minutes as I let it sink in. How did the author know? How did she know that I equate my full plate--how much I get done in a day--to my self worth? How did she know how afraid I am to show my weaknesses (especially the weaknesses I haven't fully embraced yet)? How did she know that I often don't feel loved? Or that I don't feel like I really belong anywhere? How did she know? Like this: "Get Inspired...I'm inspired by this quote from writer and researcher Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: 'People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if here is a light from within.' I really do believe the light that I saw within the resilient people I interviewed was their spirit. I love the idea of being 'lit from within'." I loved the humor interlacing with facts that makes the information easy to follow, relate, and agreeable. Though, be ready for some scratchy but friendly honesties that might poke your pride. A Chinese idiom goes, “A good medicine tastes bitter,” which I think best describes this book. What exactly does Brown do in this book? She draws upon her history as a shame researcher to pinpoint trouble-spots in our individual and cultural psyche that can lead us to unhealthy mental pathways. One of the things I appreciated, particularly after reading a book like Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, is that she takes care to define the terms she's working with. This is definitely the researcher at work: "I think it’s critically important to define the gauzy words that are tossed around every day but rarely explained. And I think good definitions should be accessible and actionable." That statement warmed my researcher heart--at least, if it could be warmed.