scripts with language you can use to instantly establish boundaries with bosses and co-workers, romantic partners, parents and in-laws, co-parents, friends, family, neighbors, strangers—and yourself

Downsides are that the green, yellow, and red light system are somewhat simplistic, particularly in examples, and she doesn't show how altering the situation slightly or your own goals might change the framing of the response. I do appreciate that she notes: A woman named Nancy recently sent me a message on social media: “I take a walk by myself every morning, for my own mental health. Lately, my elderly neighbor has been inviting herself along, waiting for me to come outside, then joining me. She’s very nice, and it’s clear she likes the company, but this is the only alone time I get in my day. How can I say no to her without feeling mean?”My only very minimal gripe is that I am still scared of some of these...confrontations (because some feel like it). Clearly, this is not the author's or the book's problem, but a sign of areas in which I need to work. However, it would be nice to have some tips on how to build confidence in the area of boundaries for these more difficult conversations. I get where Nancy is coming from. We (especially women) are often told that it’s selfish to put our own feelings and needs first. This is a common objection to boundaries: that setting them feels cold or punitive, like you’re building a wall between people and creating division. But remember, boundaries aren’t walls, they’re fences. And good fences make for good neighbors. Learning to state expectations upfront when dealing with food, alcohol, table talk, and other sensitive subjects Overall this is a pretty decent book on boundaries. The scripts in this book are gold and the primary reason it got 4 stars.

You’re not being mean when you set boundaries, you’re being kind—to yourself and your relationships. But that doesn’t mean they’re not uncomfortable. Any conflict can be uncomfortable—if your burger comes out rare instead of medium-well, I’m betting at least some of you would just eat it rather than speak up. Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable because when we set a boundary, we’re expressing a limit that hasn’t yet been established (while perhaps pointing out someone else’s inconsiderate behavior), and asking if the other person is willing to make an adjustment for the good of the relationship. Do your relationships often feel one-sided or unbalanced? Are you always giving in just so things will go smoothly? Do you wish you could learn to say no—but, like, nicely? Are you depleted, overwhelmed, and tired of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to establish some boundaries. Setting a boundary without explaining, justifying, or excusing, is a truly boss move, indicating that you’ve given this plenty of thought, you’re crystal clear on what you need, and you’re comfortable advocating for yourself. The Book of Boundaries, pg 39 Squishy boundary: eye roll, deep sigh, ignoring the question, or making a joke about it. Clear boundary: “I’d rather not talk about our bodies or weight today, thanks.”It's an interesting book, blending personal experience, psychology, and advice. It's broken into three parts, 'Boundary Beginnings,' 'Practice,' and 'Benefits.' 'Practice' is by far the largest section and reads somewhat like an advice column. The 'Practice' is broken up into eight relationship categories: parents/in-laws, friends/neighbors, workplace, co-parents, romantic partners, food/alcohol, triggers, and yourself. I appreciate her including setting boundaries with ourselves as part of healthy behavior.

Now, in The Book of Boundaries, she shows you how boundaries are the key to better mental health, increased energy, improved productivity, and more fulfilling relationships. Speaking up in the moment, advocating for yourself, and asking for what you need is uncomfortable. But what’s both uncomfortable and damaging is reaffirming the story that someone else’s feelings are more important or worthy than your own – which is what you do every time you swallow your healthy boundary in an effort to keep the peace. If you know you need to work on your boundaries, this is the perfect book for you. If you want to learn a new, practical skill in an easy to understand way, this is also the perfect book for you. And if you are looking to expand your reading into non-fiction waters, I also highly recommend this book!

Retailers:

Boundaries allow those who care about us to support us in the way we want to be supported. They provide a clear line between what we find helpful and harmful, so people don’t have to try to read our minds. They let us engage in relationships fully and openly, knowing we’ve clearly expressed our limits and made it easier for others to respect our needs. In fact, the best way to preserve a relationship often includes setting boundaries within it.

If you've struggled to identify and establish healthy boundaries - with family, in romance, at work, or in life - Melissa Urban shows the way forward with clarity, vulnerability, and humour'

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I always tell my therapy patients thatboundariescreate trust, comfort, and safety in a relationship, but many people struggle with how to effectively communicate what they need.In The Book of Boundaries, Melissa Urban helps you identify your boundary needs, offers actionable scripts on what to say, and shares proven tips based on a decade of experience helping people live more freely by holding their limits with confidence.” —Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone