A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves. And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.

Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura, has got a good point or two. But, the theory not holding up (according to me) in the end, kind of spoils the fun. I have the right to say “no” to anything I don’t want to do, for any reason, without needing to justify it or give an excuse. I now consider myself to be more assertive than the most assertive person I've ever met. Those people who I used to be jealous of? I don't consider them to be as assertive as I am now. My family and friends notice that radical change. I make saying no look easy.At this point, any new pain or discomfort I feel, the first question I ask myself is, “what could be upsetting me in my life right now? What feelings might I not want to feel?” Then I start feeling emotions directly, and magically and consistently the pain subsides. If you struggle with telling people no (I do sometimes), speaking your mind (I’ve never had this problem), or asking for things (this is a biggie for me), then you will like this book.

All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants.Hesitation: You often wait for the “right thing” to say (and thus speak way less than you normally do). This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology. I have the right not to have to anticipate others’ needs and wishes. If they have them, they can express them. The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time. This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day.

here's what this book is not: it isn't a miracle. it's not going to fix you or your life. it isn't an intellectual, research-filled data oriented book about psychology. it doesn't hold the secrets of the universe and it won't give you all the answers you're looking for. and it certainly isn't going to do all the work for you. It made me remember having a boyfriend in high school for a short period… who I never really liked. But because he was really nice and liked me, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. (Yeah… that’s pretty bad.) this book is a toolbox. more than that, it is a door. it is the door in a wall you built up so high for years and decades and now the only way out is through.

I eye-rolled at his stereotypical relationship advice about femininity and masculinity, where he advises the masculine partner to “take” and “own her.” His history in men’s groups really shines through and makes me cringe. At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to Not Nice, as I did, certainly didn't make things easier. Not at all! A great challenge though. I recommend it.) In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it.

You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand." again, it isn't a miracle, i'm not suddenly Better. but this changed so much for me and i really truly cannot be more grateful for this book. it feels like a real concrete step in my healing process. I have the right to choose how much I want to see a friend or someone I’m dating, and end the relationship if it does not feel desirable to me.Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right?