Though, there are other things that can be done, if a collar is not appropriate. Perhaps you might want to wear other jewelry, such as an 'o' ring or some sort of anklet or bracelet. There are many items of jewelry out there that are innocent enough unless you're 'in the know'. One jeweler, I like in particular is Things they find pleasurable- The Dominant should find out things that submissive would like to try or things that she really likes and give her more of that as a reward Maybe it’s something as easy as allowing her to masturbate while taking a hot bath or as elaborate as a spa day being pampered. Be creative with this one. All play requires a “yes”. If it’s a “maybe” - put it off for another time. Talk about it more and sort out your worries. There are some steps of total ownership that scare but also arouse me too, that thankfully (for me) aren't the route my dom is wanting to take me down at this time. If I broke a rule and knew that I disappointed my Dominant, I would need to have a discussion about what happened, why I shouldn’t break the rule, why the punishment happened, and that I am still loved and cared for. I made a bad choice, I am not a bad girl. While it looks different than post-playtime aftercare, that bit of reassurance and reconnection allows me to have time to improve and remember he is still there for me. Rewards

After we had been together a while I asked him to collar more permanently. I more or less actually proposed! On one knee and all that, after a very intense session. The answer I got was that he would think about it! He did think about it, and shopped around and bought me an eternity collar. I wear it all the time apart from when he requires me to wear something else. BDSM, as you may know, stands for Bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadism & Masochism. The “dominance/submission” part is where we’ll focus today, particularly on cementing that kind of relationship (commonly referred to as a D/s relationship) with some form of ownership. Before we dive into all the fun ownership stuff, let’s talk terms - because they are kind of important.The desired outcome is to have a healthy relationship where you both feel safe, happy, and cared for. By following rules that are set by the Dom, the submissive can relax and trust that they are taken care of. When the submissive complies with the rules, the Dominant feels proud that he is able to have been given the gift of submission. The Dominant then feels accepted, desired, and confident like the Master they are. Power Play Collars are the thing that is most commonly associated with ownership. Being collared, as it’s called, can mean so many different things. It can be a simple accessory or prop that you use during playtime or it can be a symbol of something deeper (like ownership). They can be worn all the time (beautiful collars like this) or they can be specifically used for play (more practical collars like this). Some collars are even kind of symbolic of a wedding band. The kind of collar you (and your Dominant) choose should represent whatever you want it to represent and it should be a style that you are happy with. However, it's hard for me to decide on the exact design, one of the reasons being that I haven't found one that I feel is exactly right for me. Since it's going to be on my body for many years to come I don't want to do it half-heartedly! Ownership will look different for every couple. It’s an inherently personal thing. Ownership, in BDSM terms, pertains to the relationship between a Dominant and a submissive - and as we know, that relationship will vary from couple to couple.

Here is a useful link to explain what the symbol looks like and what it is and is not. emblemproject.sagcs.net/is.htm As a submissive, when I hear these things, it helps me relax. It helps me trust. It helps me see myself the way my Dom sees me. I want to please him, and when I please him, he rewards me. And that thrills me more than anything. He has me and it makes me want to do more to please him. I’m delighted and fulfilled when he is happy with me.Once the punishment is completed, aftercare is critical for the mental well-being of the submissive. The punishment is meant to hurt so that the undesired behavior doesn’t happen again. Aftercare reassures the sub that they are still cared for. The aftercare after punishment is not the same as aftercare after a scene. There should be some reassurance to the submissive to remind them they aren’t bad, they are still loved. Avoiding shame triggers is a vital part of protecting the submissive’s emotional and mental health. A “submissive” is someone who willingly gives up control during BDSM play to their Dominant partner. A sub can be referred to as a slut, slave, bottom, little girl, etc. When it comes to ownership, the words “slave” or “property” are commonly used.

When talking about being “owned”, most commonly, this is a relationship that is associated with that of an Owner (the Dominant) and slave (the submissive), but this isn’t always the case. Being “owned” doesn’t mean you have to take on the outlook of a slave. It can mean what you want it to mean - that’s something you and your partner can decide together. Some pointers for the design are that it needs to fit onto my body, so not be too big and masculine of a design. That is one of the objections I have with the traditional design, it looks quite manly to me.One way that you can do that is to use positive reinforcement when the submissive is following the rules. Positive reinforcement can be as effective as corporal punishment. Rewards can be used as motivators. As a submissive myself, nothing makes me happier than pleasing my Dominant. If I please him, then he reciprocates with more doting behavior. He delights in making me happy. So if I follow the rules, he rewards me. It makes me want to keep behaving. Positive reinforcement works best for me. Speech Restrictions- The submissive is not allowed to talk to the Dominant. For me, this would be a very painful punishment. I need a voice and to be unable to speak to him would be very painful. The obvious things you would hope to be discussed in a BDSM contract are obviously highlighted above (and you can read more about BDSM contracts here) - and while this big list seems daunting, these are really the same things you would talk about if you had a simple talk about ownership. Tattoos

The goal, in any healthy relationship, is a balance between needing them and being able to care for yourself. In D/s relationships, this balance is critical not only to your own welfare but to the success of your partnership. Responsible Dom/mes understand their submission is a gift and good submissive’s understand that Dom/mes need to be needed/wanted as well. If you are interested in collars being the defining factor in your ownership, there’s a whole article dedicated to collars and their meanings (and how to choose one) here. How is ownership different than submission?Sitting in a corner- Submissive sits in the corner of the room to have quiet reflection on the rule breaking. This should not be for an undetermined amount of time. Dominants should be careful to tow the line between correction and abuse. Tone of voice- For me this is the greatest reward. Hearing my Dom’s voice assure me that I am safe and his, is the greatest reward. To me it’s the ultimate prize. When I receive that message, he affirms that I am a good girl and that I please him. There is a sweetness in his voice that I know is mine alone. It’s a tone that he only shares with me and instantly calms me. It makes me want to keep pleasing him. Conclusion